Would you say that in the case of this dad joke, the guy really put his foot in it? Because we totally would! That way, you get two silly jokes for the price of one!
There’s absolutely nothing shady about that deal, is there? After all, why would you settle for just one face-palm when you can be twice as exasperated by us? Sadly, it’s not super inspired, as it’s missing one crucial thing — our lightbulb moment!
Romantic courtship is no easy area to navigate. Just like maneuvering a minefield, the dating game has plenty of rules, pitfalls, and cautionary tales. One of the most basic cardinal laws is, of course, no messing about with married people.
Apparently, even when it comes to your own wife, the guidelines say, “No flirting.” This guy didn’t make the rules, he’s just following them to a tee. We’ll see how he feels when she puts down the law.
News to Us
We’re pretty sure that it’s common knowledge that the ultimate sign that you’ve had a night of truly deep and restorative sleep is waking up with those pillow crease lines on your face. It’s just indisputable evidence of your deep slumber.
But, have you ever wanted to have those lines on your face without getting any proper rest — just for the aesthetics? Because that’s the only thing we can imagine corduroy pillows would be good for.
We’re probably not the only cooks in this kitchen who like a good food pun — they’re just deliciously satisfying. This one, while horribly funny to us, might be especially disastrous.
You see, in the crush of ingredients, this iceberg might spring a leek in your salad, and that would be a disaster of Titanic proportions. This just went out of the frying pan and straight into the fire, didn’t it?
It’s a dad joke, so obviously, it makes us want to cringe. But, in the case of this tweet, we think it might also make us cry (and not from laughter). This croc dad joke was posted by Terri Irwin — the late Steve Irwin’s widow.
Looks like in an attempt to be both mom and dad to their kids, Terri also took it upon herself to make cheesy and animal-related dad jokes. Honestly, this is incredibly wholesome, especially since she added a photo of their son.
Yes, we know this joke probably made you audibly groan. But, guess what? We don’t care due to two reasons. One, the whole point of a dad joke is to make everyone but the person who made the joke cringe and sigh.
And more importantly, two — because we think it’s absolutely adorable, and this makes us grin with joy every time we read it. This is exactly what a dad joke should be; a silly pun that works for a six or 60-year-old.
Some dad jokes are short and sweet, as they get their point across in less than 10 words. Others are somewhat more convoluted — instead of getting straight to the point, they take you on a journey toward the punchline.
This one certainly feels like quite a rollercoaster, but at the end of the day, it’s all about timing — and this joke sticks the landing (on the watch) as it nails its punchline by the end. Plus, who doesn’t love a bit of poetic justice in their humor?
This is going to get a little bit strange but stay with us. So, you know how your boss sort of becomes your emotionally distant parent at work? Well, can you imagine your grumpy boss making this joke?
(Boss, if you’re reading this, we promise we’re not talking about you! You’re more like the cool uncle!) Do you think if we make this joke we’re officially not getting our end-of-year bonus due to how cringe it is? Word.
To a Tee
Dad jokes aren’t just about lousy puns and silly punchlines. Sometimes, they’re just about dads being dads — sharing their quirky humor with their family in an attempt to make their kids groan and laugh.
Julie’s dad went far out to make this embarrassingly funny photo during a family trip. This is one memory that he’s sure to want to share with the grandkids one day.
How do they say it goes with comedy? Something along the lines of setting up expectations and then subverting them is the key to a good joke, right? Anyway, we think this fantastically terrible joke nailed it.
After this, we almost wish we could have that drink with our friendly neighborhood spider(man). We think we’ll still stay far away from any real creepy crawlies, no matter how good they are at designing.
So, here’s the thing — we know that “which came first, the chicken or the egg” has been debated for decades as a deep philosophical question, but we honestly don’t get it. Thanks to our more recent understanding of science there’s only one answer.
The egg came first. Yep, it’s that easy — the egg is the only place where the genetic mutation that created the first chicken could have occurred. That’s it. And we don’t care which one gets delivered first from Amazon!
We honestly think that this joke is pretty dang clever, even if we hate horror. Sure, we understand the enjoyment that can come from a jump in adrenaline — like going on a rollercoaster — but enjoying being frightened?
That’s just weird. Are we actually supposed to like getting nightmares from imaginary scenarios? We just feel like the real world is kind of scary enough as it is. Thankfully, here, it’s balanced with a silly joke.
Another One Bites the Dust
Job interviews are tricky. On the one hand, you want to be sincere, open, and honest in your answers so that the interviewer knows you can be trusted to shoulder the responsibilities of the new job.
On the other hand, you need to show that you can be chill and funny to demonstrate your more friendly, social side so they know you’re a fun team player. We’re not sure, though, that you should use this specific joke to show all that…
Wouldn’t it be great if every office could be just like Dunder Mifflin? Let’s be honest — having Michael Scott as a boss is probably like non-stop dad jokes during work hours. Can you just imagine Dwight taking them at face value?
This joking security guard is bound to fit right in with Jim and Pam. Although, with the way his mind works, we’re not sure how secure the office would be… Thankfully, it’s all just paper, so who cares?
Full of Wind
As you probably know very well, a joke doesn’t need to be recited straight from the mouth of a certified father to be considered a top-notch dad joke. It must simply be groan-worthy and based on the silliest humor to be bestowed the honor.
Ana’s fan-tastic job is the perfect example of this guiding principle. Don’t worry, Ana — just like you, we happily giggled at your musical joke (and then proceeded to quickly unfollow you on Twitter).
The Empire Strikes Back
Are you really surprised that the myth, the legend, Mark Hamill responded to a fan with the most deadpan “dad” answer ever? Because we definitely are not. His character in Star Wars might not be a dad, but Hamill certainly is (he has three kids).
Although Luke isn’t much of a jokester, Hamill’s most famous voice-acting character is the Joker — and it definitely looks like Hamill has learned a thing or two from his on-screen personas.
Any husband to a woman should know by that point that if you ever try to “explain” something to her, she can and will find a way to throw it back at you. Trust us, no matter how clever you think you are, your wife is smarter than you.
So, we know this tweet is meant as just a joke, but we can absolutely bet that this exact scenario has happened in hundreds of homes around the world.
Hit and a Miss
Ah, fresh air, green grass, open skies, and a chill breeze — what’s not to like about having a quick and easy game of frisbee at your family picnic? Until, of course, your super competitive and aggressive family member joins the game.
Once they do, there’s nothing else you can do but run for your life and hope that you somehow manage to not make a complete fool of yourself as they throw that frisbee like the ancient weapon it once was.
Counts for Something
Here’s a fun bookish fact — Bram Stoker, who wrote the original Dracula, never set foot in his famous count’s home of Transylvania. He relied solely on books and atlases to describe the faraway land. Can you imagine doing that without Google Maps?
Of course, Dracula is hardly the only famous count out there. For this joke, we think we might need to acquire the services of a more fuzzy-fanged character — the Count from Sesame Street, of course.
You know that prank kids would do when a friend would fall asleep early at a slumber party (where they put his hand in water, and you probably know the rest)? Well, we can’t help but wonder if this is what happened here.
Sure, we know it’s just for the sake of the joke, but can you imagine a dream like the one described here? We’re honestly horrified. Great, this joke just unlocked a new nightmare we had no idea we had. Thanks a lot.
Nok it Out
Who says a joke needs an abundance of words to tickle our funny bone? Sometimes, simple is better. In this case, all that’s needed is a couple of words and two pics. As they say, a picture’s worth a thousand words.
For such a terrible joke (as all dad jokes should be), it’s incredibly effective with minimal effort — we’re pretty impressed. Can you just imagine your dad sending this to you as he lounges in his la-z-boy?
Just as a precaution… kids, don’t try this at home! Seriously, we mean it — don’t touch that socket until you’ve studied as many years as a certified electrician. Otherwise, we’re sure you’ll find yourself recreating this joke in real life.
Shockingly, we find this joke to be a safety hazard from how much it makes us groan. Can you get electrocuted from someone else’s terrible zinger? We just need to know, for, you know, research purposes.
A good dad joke works both on and off the page (or the phone screen, as the case may be). That means that it’s not enough for a punny gag to be funny in writing, it also has to sound just as hilarious (or cringy) out loud.
Sadly, this one only cuts it when written out. Sure, it was a long shot in the first place, as it’s mathematically improbable that a math joke would be funny — but then its value goes down to zero when you try to tell it to someone
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
“Climb every mountain,” Maria sings in the Sound of Music. She continues, “Search high and low, Follow every highway, Every path you know,” which has us thinking, what exactly is she looking for us all those hills?
Could it be that up some far-off peak, there lies the ultimate treasure — the best dad joke ever? Judging by this tweet, sadly, we think not. Oh well, maybe try going down a valley next time?
You might like your yard to be leaf-free year round, but did you know for the sake of your garden, you shouldn’t actually throw all those leaves away? Just think about it, do you think anyone walks around the forest, raking away the leaves?
So, instead of throwing away all those leaves, leave them be — first, they’ll keep your plants covered and safer during the winter months, and second, they’ll quickly decompose into the ground and make your soil healthier. Bet you didn’t think you’d be getting gardening tips with this dad zinger.
Do you ever get those nights where you know you have to wake up extra early, so you resolve to get to sleep at a reasonable hour? But then, you start stressing that you might not be able to sleep.
So, you start counting exactly how long you have left to rest, and you stress even more over how little time you have. Then, by the time you wake up, you’ve only managed to sleep for like an hour? Yeah, that just sucks.
Do you think that the very first primitive humans who just discovered how to create tools and how very useful they could be, ever imagined that, one day, their great invention would be used as a cheap joke?
If they’re actually anything like us… we’re sure a few Neanderthal dads would have had a good laugh from this truly silly one-liner. At least now (thanks to the great shovel), we can put this joke where it belongs — six feet under.
It’s a Sign
We guess this guy’s dad really had a dead-end job. Geddit? ‘Cause he put up signs in streets — like dead-end signs? Okay, well, making dad jokes on the fly is harder than it looks!
Try it, and you’ll see. After all, there’s no road map to the perfect dad joke out there. If there was, though, we bet this dad stole it, along with all the signs! Yeah, that was terrible, too. Fine, we give up.
A Daily Reminder
Here’s something you don’t actually see all that much in dad jokes — self-deprecating humor — which, as we all know, is the superior form of humor when it comes to making people give you attention, whether it’s with a laugh or a sympathetic look.
But, you know what would make this the ultimate way for a dad to joke with his kids? All you would need to do is change one little word. Instead of “me,” just say “you” or the name of your angsty teenager!
Making You Stew
This is for any boomer dad out there who’s reading this — for the love of all that’s funny, change your password from “Password123.” We promise you, that’s the very first thing that any semi-competent hacker will try.
No, don’t change it to “12345678” because hat’s next on the hacker’s list. Honestly, using “stroganoff” as your password will probably actually keep you safe. At the very least, you’ll get a laugh anytime you type it in.
Pardon Our French
Parlez-vous français? If your answer is “heh?” we really hope you still get this joke because we think it’s freaking hilarious (pardon our French). We can totally see our dad make this silly gag whenever we make a dumb joke at his expense.
So, @DocAtCDI, you might have made us laugh, but you also probably got us in a bit of trouble with our own father. We just hope you’re a father yourself — otherwise, this joke might become a weird paradox that we just can’t handle.
A Daily Reminder
One of the hallmarks of a good joke (and not the cheesy Christmas movie kind of hallmark) is that it can keep working throughout your life. That probably makes this one by Oli only Semi-great.
That’s because it can only be used once a year to full effect. Luckily, when the festive season comes upon us, he can get it out of the attic… along with all those lovely Christmas decorations.
A Second Opinion
Did you hear this joke before? Probably not if you find this terrible joke weirdly relatable. Thankfully, it’s not unheard of to seek a second opinion when it comes to medical advice.
This is deaf-inetly one of the cringiest jokes on this list, but we still think the maker of it deserves to hear a little laugh from his audience (even if it’s forced).
In the timeless voice of John Travolta in Grease, “It’s electrifying!” This sweater is definitely the “one that [we] want.” If you didn’t just start singing the song in your head, what are you even doing here, youngster?
By the way, totally unpopular opinion, but it’s the right one, and you know it — Grease 2 was absolutely the superior movie. Nothing beats Michelle Pfeiffer singing from the top of a ladder that she wants a “Coooooooool Rider!”
What’s in a Name
Some people place great importance on the name they give their kid — as if that one little word is going to affect their child and the whole family for their entire life (which, of course, it totally does).
Others are a bit more cavalier about their choice… We’re honestly not sure where we’d place Tawdry’s friends, though. Is it genius, or is it horrible? Just wait until that kid is asked where his name is from, and then we’ll see.
Hi Soul Sister
One of the most important parts of being a parent, beyond making hilariously terrible dad jokes, is, you know, actually parenting your kids. That includes teaching your kids that they should be there to help each other, among other things.
Of course, in this endeavor, as with many others, humor is your friend. This joke, for example, is sure to make both your kids groan in painful shame that their dad makes such terrible jokes. But at least your kid has probably stopped crying by now, so everyone’s a winner.
Look, everyone, it’s a dad joke in the wild! That’s right, this tweet isn’t just sharing a terrible joke they thought up. This one was actually spontaneously given out around Kandice.
This just proves that a truly good joke is all about timing. This surgeon found the perfect opportunity to use his dadish humor. We wonder how long he’s been holding on to this funny line.
We’re not gonna lie — this joke actually had us laughing or giggling at least five times. Is it absolutely horrible and groan-worthy? Yes, of course it is (otherwise, it wouldn’t be on this list).
Is it also peak bro humor? We certainly think so. Will we be thinking about this joke long after we’ve finished this list? Absolutely! We can’t wait to share it with all our bro friends (can you tell we don’t actually have that many?).
As every kid knows, an important part of playing with toys is making all those fun action noises, just like in a comic book! And what are dads but overgrown children? So, is it any surprise that one would make this joke?
Plus, in true clever adult fashion, it mixes its humor with an incredibly popular meme template. Sure, it’s not exactly the most traditional dad joke out there, but we still think it’s terribly funny (and seriously adorable!).
This joke might have been purely told by Steve Harrison to be funny, but it somehow ended up somewhat educational. Yeah, we’re pretty surprised, too — who knew dads had actual useful and informative knowledge to impart?
So yeah, thanks to their yellowish-brown coats, camels do actually camouflage pretty well in the desert. Considering they’re probably the biggest animal out there in the heat, though, we have no idea why they would need to… We wonder if Steve has another joke that could teach us that.
So, here’s the thing… we know this is meant to be a joke, but have you ever seen the names of real racehorses? Because those are the real joke. Seriously, they’re all thinly-concealed puns and dad jokes.
That kind of makes sense when you consider who exactly is the audience of such races — mainly middle-aged men, right? So, next time you look at Phar Lap racing, consider how Mayo the horse wouldn’t look out of place.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas to meet you! …Did we just Google food knock-knock jokes? Yes, yes, we did — and we’re not ashamed of it one bit. That’s why Google is our best friend.
But, we do honestly think this dad joke is actually funny (in a “snort out your drink when you hear it the first time and get it” way). You know what’s gonna happen after the first time your dad hears it? He’ll totally keep knocking on the fridge door forever.
Ke$ha has long ago become a cash-making machine with her incredible beats and amazing musical heart. So, it’s no surprise that she made it so big internationally. But, what does happen to her name when she’s performing outside the US?
Do European musical festivals have to announce that “Ke-pound-ha” is about to take the stage? Honestly, that actually sounds pretty freaking awesome! Maybe @tooskinnymariah is on to something with their horrible dad joke… Now if only concert tickets only cost a pound (or a dollar).
Zero or Hero?
Okay, fine, we concede — this one is actually, truly, terrible. This might be one of the most groan-worthy jokes on this list, but you know what, it still made us chuckle!
But, let’s zero in on the problem here. This joke just doesn’t go the usual zero to 60 that dad jokes should go, even though it’s zero hour. Frankly, it’s a zero-sum game to think of all the reasons this joke gets a zero from us.
Going Down With the Ship
Here’s an interesting philosophical question — why are we (as a global culture) still so freaking obsessed with a ship that sunk in 1912? We have to wonder if it might be our modern version of Icrus, ya know, a warning to us to once again not fly too close to the sky.
Oh shoot, that was darker than we expected. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Ahem… dad jokes are just the best and worst, right? This one sure is terrible and hilarious…